My dad doesn't know that I read novels!!

My dad thought that I eat only a meal a day!!

My dad doesn't know that I love indian food!!

My dad doesn't know that females reach puberty at the age of 8!!





wow breaking news alright...

A little girl made a prayer to God every night:

Beauty isn't all that matters.

But some people just couldn't understand that...

Some people..like me.

yesterday we had this graduation ceremony. (check out the pictures in my facebook, lazy to post it here)

well...as many people know, I'm very inconfident in dresses..

But anyway, thanks to nee nee(steph neo)'s mom, it didn't turn out so bad =)

But still, the heavy make up still didn't make much difference to my face (from what my friends told me)

anyway, this was my dress for the function: (and thats my sesat hanger on my bed)

The ceremony was quite...fun. (i sound very reluctant to say it)..well probably because we were aranged to sit furthest from the stage in the hall so I couldn't see what was going on clearly.

I thought we told them not to arrange us to sit behind (just in case that happens) but I guess they didn't listen. =.= (or they heard wrongly)

There wasn't anything special except for the part where the whole form 5 celebrated those whose birthdays are in Oct and the MISS SETA 2009 event which has 3 winners (one indian one chinese and malay) the pictures are all in my facebook.

Anyway, my video stood out!! I received many compliments from the teachers =)

despite all the celebration, there'll always be a bad part of it.

The front part of my SHOES got ripped off cuz I ran really fast towards the stage to take pictures of the 3 miss SETAs fully aware that many will fighting to take picts of them.

Okay thats all I guess..I'm too lazy to type the rest.

I've been waking up ealy in the morning at 4 something almost everyday, just to think about what i'd do to make my class' movie/slideshow stand out among the other classes on Sejambak Kasih (or what they call..graduation banquet or ceremony..whatever..).

Well I HAD to get up early fully aware that i wont have the time to think about it later in the afternoon where i'd jump around my house while the music is booming on my loudspeakers, and I'd get tired after that and start to feel hungry, where I'd bring food upstairs to eat and then tried concentrating on finishing my homework and lose my concentration 5 minutes after that and start singing along with the loud music booming on my loudspeakers and look at my reflection in my pocket mirror, where I'd be hungry again about 20 minutes later and I'd get fed up and bring loads of food upstairs so I won't have to go all the way downstairs to get more, and without realising it I'd finish the large amount of food i brought upstairs within 10 minutes so i had to run downstairs along with the plates and trash to clear my study table, and I'd stare at my music player thinking of which song to play next which can help me avoid drowsiness because of waking up too early in the morning, so I can complete my homework. So I started doing my homework for half an hour but the music didn't work so I went to sleep in the evening and only wake up at about 11pm. In the end I ended up playing with my husband (the computer) and my boyfriend (the guitar) until 1am something and went to sleep and woke up early in the morning at 4 something am.

....


But anyway, I've finished filming everyone I wanted to film, took candid pictures, successfully editted, cut, and transitted them.......
well..at least half of it.

To my surprise, I did not sleep at all today. And only started feeling drowsy as I'm typing this.

It feels good to type some hardcore crap on my blog once in a while X)

Before, I've always thought that, as long as I have friends, nothing else mattered.

But through all these years of hardships and horrible experiences, I understood the true meaning of life.

To others, friendship last longer than love. But to me, neither lasts.

Partly because I'm not good at words (my weak point in writing essays), and whenever I chose the wrong words, it'd create huge misunderstandings. And I'd have to make it up in order for my friendship to last. I've always thought it was troublesome.

My feelings that have accumulated throughout these years made me think like this..

Sometimes it's best to distant yourself from your bestest friends for a while, so you wouldn't miss them till your heart throbs so badly when they finally lost contacts with you.

Sometimes it's best to not get too close to anyone, cuz not everyone is reliable and not everyone will find the 'right' friends, what if your secrets were spilled?

Sometime it's best to stay anonymous, so you wouldn't be compared with others, cuz if you're compared to someone superior, you'd feel crushed inside.

Sometimes it's best to be alone, so that noone would miss you even if you left this earth and you wouldn't feel so guilty, you wouldn't have to worry about a single thing because noone needs you.

Sometimes it's best to just shut up, so that you wouldn't look uncool if you said something lame,

you wouldn't be thrown sarcasms, you wouldn't cause any unnecessary trouble.

And so I lived like this for a few years..and realised how lonely I was.

I've forgotten about family love, love from a friendship, and pure love.

I've forgotten the happiness of going on a picnic or a simple road trip with my family,

I've forgotten how food tasted better when you eat together with friends.

I've forgotten how I'd smile widely like an idiot and throw unnecessary tantrums because of jealousy whenever it comes to a crush,

and most importantly, I've forgotten how to miss someone.

But sometimes, when I set aside the sad and horrible memories, and thought of the good ones, I'd get teary naturally though my heart feels nothing. I'm like an empty shell shedding tears without a reason.

So, this post (which was supposed to be a random post) is mainly to remind those who have helped me back on my feet (who are also the ones who destroyed me before), I wana thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. Though I have no emotions in me, though I'm an empty shell, I know, deep inside me, there's a part of me who misses you all, who loves you all deeply. I'm sure someday that part of me will resurface.

And although some of you aren't close to me anymore, some of you have forgotten completely about me, some of you have cut all connections with me, some of you became my enemy, please wait for the ME with feelings to reappear again, and I will miss you as much as you miss me, I'll search in every way to reconnect with you, I'll try reconciling with you, or I'll hate you as much as you hate me.

PS: this is NOT an emo post (i'm just stating out my feelings)